Though, My relationship was strained, the man I was engaged to told me to wait for him to join me in Michigan to start classes. I couldn't wait. I wanted to start right then. Other factors were already in place, and after our discussion of me joining the dojo, He decided to part ways with me. I was devastated, though it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
I woke up that Saturday morning, put on a tee shirt, and a pair of sweatpants and dragged myself in the wildest ride I have ever experienced. The dojo I was going to had recently moved to a new building. I had a hard time finding it. It was an old motorcycle shop, and in the showcase front room, I saw a bunch of people wearing gis, and a few with hakama. I was so intimidated. All the guys were very nice, and very helpful. I wasn't sure what to expect for my first class. We hadn't touched any techniques, which is a very good thing.
I was given a warning that day, that I would be VERY sore. They were so right. I have many health issues that caused me some anxiety to join in a martial art. Before the age of 21, I was diagnosed with a herniated disc, a bulging disc, bunions, arthritis, and carpal tunnel. I was scared of hurting myself more than I already ached on a daily basis. The soreness I felt after one Aikido class was insane, yes, but I loved it. It was that pain of knowing you did something.
Though I was scared and shy, I still came back the next week, and the week after, and so on. I was depressed, because I felt alone in the world. Being in a new city was daunting enough. Trying to find your way after a 3 year relationship spoils was enough of a struggle. But I continued on. I had to. People had told me many times that I'm a strong person. Both of my Grandmothers commented when I left the town I called home for 16 years, they told me how brave I was to leave on my own. But I wasn't alone. I moved in with my Dad, and at age 21, coming home to Daddy made me feel like a loser. Honestly, it was the best choice in my situation.
I had lost my Mother eight months prior to my relocation. I was struggling to care for my Fiance and myself with a part time bakery job. My Dad had always extended that offer to me. Am I glad I took it now. I have met amazing people, and have made a complete 360 turn-around in my life. And a lot of that is because of the guys at the dojo. Yes. Guys.
My first day of practice, There was one girl in class. I never saw her again. I can't remember her name, all I know is she was in sweatpants like me, while the guys were in their gis. I felt awkward, not only because I was in street clothes, while everyone else was dressed traditionally, but because I was the only one in the classroom with different “plumbing”. For the first few months, I experienced some special treatment, but I was also so new into the art, that I had NO IDEA what I was doing. They would grab me softer than the men in the class, they would grab my shoulder instead of my collar, to avoid those awkward accidental boob grabs (trust me, it does happen), and they wouldn't pin me down.
After I started practicing more, and became a regular member of class, I noticed things change. Not only with the fact that the guys started treating me more as an equal, but I was happier. My body wasn't aching nearly as much. I didn't have to wear my braces to bed anymore for my feet or my wrists. Friends would tell me I looked so much happier, I had a “glow” about me from it. I still had no idea what I was doing, but I tried, and that was all that mattered to them.
At first, when I joined classes, I only came once a week, on Saturdays, but the full schedule was Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. I was working third shift as well, and the weekday classes were in the evening. So I started crawling out of bed at 4 PM, and would get ready for work, which started at 11 PM. I'd drive myself out to the dojo on Mondays, practice with my guys, and go to work. I did this for MONTHS, and boy, was I tired. I tried to fit Wednesday into my week, but it never worked. I was making progress, yes, but I wanted more. So, one Monday night in January, I approached one of my Senseis and asked if I could start preparing for testing in March. And so, after Saturday, I would spend at least an hour drilling out testing techniques with one of the other students. By March, I was ready.
The night before my first test was a horrible night. I had come down with one of those 24 hour stomach bugs. I spent most of the night in the bathroom at work, though, I was lucky, the machine I was working on at my factory was down for most of the night. I went home, hoping to get some sleep and feel better by 4 PM, when I was waking up to prepare for my first test. I was still feeling... basically like shit. I was relieved that I had requested that night off of work. It still didn't help that I was nervous, sick, and scared of failure.
I choked down some food, water, a few pepto tabs and I was on my way. I arrived WAY earlier than I wanted to. I sat in my car, eyes closed, trying to compose myself. I finally went inside, changed into my gi, and got on the mat. The first hour of class, I was so tense, and nervous. When we took our water break, my one Sensei, the one who I first talked to, came over to me, told me everything would be fine. I cried, I was so scared, felt like crap, and just wanted to go back to bed. He patted me on the shoulder, and I sat down.
Finally, I heard the words “Sarah... Testing for 7th Kyu...” and as spirited as I could in my state, I yelled “HAI SENSEI!” and my first test began. I forgot to breathe, but, honestly, I think that's all I had forgotten. I put on my big girl pants, and I rocked out my first test like a “pro”. The guy I had been training with after every class up to that point told me that I did amazing. I was so proud! I finally got a rank, I didn't throw up on the mat, and I held it together.
A week later, I was presented my “belt”, which was actually just a piece of “magical” electrical tape that we wrapped onto my white belt. I got a certificate as well, which I promptly framed and put on my bookshelf. I look at it just about every day, and I still smile.
But the adventure didn't end there. It will never end. My favorite instructor, told me there was an all women Aikido seminar in Chicago coming up, and that I should go represent our dojo. Considering I'm still the only woman, I decided to go. Aside from my first day in class, that seminar was the only time I had ever worked with other women in the art. It was cool, and a lot of fun, but I still missed my guys. I learned a lot of good things from those women. It was a good learning experience.
After that seminar, I came home, and we got a girl in our class. She stayed for a couple months, and it was fun to work with her. I still liked working with the guys better, though. Not because I hate other women, but because I knew that the guys would give me the right energy, and attacks. I think the only people I disliked working with at that point were other new people, because I still didn't know what I was doing about... half the time, or less, and they REALLY didn't know what they were doing. I still don't feel comfortable explaining things to people, because I'm so new.
One Monday night, I was still working my 3rd shift factory job, and I was getting sick of it. I was working a lot of overtime, and was just exhausted. We were working on our rolling, and someone was to lead you down to roll. Well, I lost my footing, and gravity became the enemy. I just remember hitting the ground and screaming. Something wasn't right, obviously. I fell onto my shoulder, and separated my shoulder blade and collar bone. Score one: ground, Sarah: zero.
After my instructors helped me over to the chairs, and got me an ice pack, a belt to use as a sling, and some tylenol. I drove myself home and made my cousin drive me to the Emergency room, given a real sling and some heavy duty drugs.
Most people would have quit after sustaining an injury like this. I quit my job, because I couldn't get a doctor's note to get me off work for my healing time. I continued class though. I missed one class, sat out for maybe a week, and put my gi back on, with my sling. I went out there, and did everything with one arm.
I'm still recovering from that fall to this day. It aches when it rains, mostly. I still fear falling on my shoulder, but one day I'll be over that fear. I have to, because I want to continue this art. I want to learn as much as possible, and continue to grow as a person, and as a martial artist.
Growth is an important part of our dojo. So much so, that our Senseis have included traveling to seminars as part of testing requirements. We travel to Chicago to visit Joe Takehara Sensei, and Yuki Hara Sensei. They are wonderful, and very encouraging.
Recently, we have gone to two seminars, we saw William Gleason, and Hiroshi Ikeda. Both were AMAZING instructors. When we went to see Gleason Shihan, I faced another dojo as the only female. Again, the guys there, and the guys I had gone with were very encouraging, and made me fall in love with the art all over again. We were working on internal power, which is very, very difficult. However difficult it is, it is worth it. Gleason Shihan worked with me a few times, and near the end of the seminar, he pulled me in front of the class, and asked me to demonstrate. He said to the class that I was doing very well, and that they needed to do it like I was. I was shocked.
Gleason Shihan was very kind to me, and at the end of the seminar, when I went to speak with him and thank him for holding such an awesome weekend seminar. He said to me “You have a talent, keep practicing.” Those words are etched into my brain. I'm proud of myself that I'm making progress. But I have to continue. I have goals I want to reach.
Which has lead me to the closing of my first year in Aikido. I've only gotten one rank, but that isn't proof of my progress. The proof of my progress is inside of me. I am a happier person, I've grown, matured, and have gotten just that much closer to the person I want to be. I've come to terms with a lot of bad things in my life, I don't stress about anything anymore, big or small. I've become comfortable in my skin, comfortable being single, just comfortable being me. I love Aikido, and I never want this adventure to end. I love my dojo crew so much, and wouldn't want to train anywhere else. I'll still continue to travel, and to learn from more world class instructors, but I'll always call The Aikido Center home.